Approaching a Woman at the Coffeehouse

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10 tips for approaching a girl at the coffeehouse

Dating and Cafe

  1. You don’t need a line! And certainly don’t have to plan every aspect of how you’d like a connection to go.  Simple focus on saying hello.  Most women have already decided yes or no about you before you thought to approach her anyway.  So you can only talk your way out of an engaging/interesting conversation.
  2. Be confident, Not arrogant!, Coming on too strong is a quick way to ruin your chances. Confidence comes through in your posture, speech and mannerisms. Be sure to keep your back straight and shoulders slightly back. Keep your chin up, and do not look down while walking or talking, as this implies that you are not confident in what you are saying or even in your own motor skills.
  3. Eye contact matters, smile with your eyes…  Eyes are part of your smile! Don’t look down or be afraid to let her look back at you.
  4. Please, please, please do not approach her from the back.  Don’t startle her with your approach!  Further, a great approach would be to do so from an angle.  This way she doesn’t feel cornered and has a way out.  This helps her feel safe in your company.
  5. Keep your confidence and after a brief introduction, maybe lead with a question about her and her interest. For example, ask a specific question about the book she is reading or the project she is working on.
  6. Compliment her without going overboard. Maybe compliment her shoes, purse or scarf if she is wearing one.  This type of compliment is indirect and speaks to her taste and style.  Keep any compliments — especially about her looks — spaced apart, and do not come on too strong. In her eyes you are still a stranger, and if all you can do is gawk over her looks, you are just another creep trying to hit on her.
  7. Keep the conversation light. Making her laugh not only builds confidence, it gives her a deeper sense of connection to you. Try to gear most of your conversation to questions about her. If she wants to know things about you, she will make it a point to ask.
  8. Repeat her name. This shows a genuine interest in her as a person not just a conquest. Saying a person’s name more than three times in a conversation can help you commit it to long-term memory. It also makes the person feel a deeper connection to you.
  9. Continue the conversation until you feel it is time to bring it to an end. If the conversation dwindles and there is no sign of interest from her, let her know that it was great speaking with her and you hope to run in to her again. If the conversation goes very well, you should still try to keep it to no more than a few minutes. This lets her know that you respect her time and do not feel the need to force a conversation.
  10. Establish a later connection or date. Pay attention during the conversation to her likes, hobbies, things that excite her. Then be creative (think fast on your feet) come up with something fun to do relative to the conversation.  Be relative when asking her out.  Offer your phone number and watch her body language, eyes and overall response this will help you determine whether or not to ask for her phone number.

Dating and Cafe1